Mr and Mrs Wright

She is growing before my eyes.  I think I can actually stare at her and see her limbs lengthening, her torso widening and her little face getting more defined.  It’s exciting and it’s sad all at the same time.  I miss my little spindly-limbed fragile newborn who only wanted to sleep in my arms all day long.  And I’m so excited about all the changes and milestones coming up.  It’s a mixture of emotions that I think I’ll always have.  I think I get the whole “always your baby” emotion that my mom has for me.  I’m 30 and I’m still her baby girl.

No rolling over yet.  It’s not for lack of trying, though.  She’ll be fine on her tummy for about a minute, during which, she’ll kick and swim and do her mini pushups.  When she’s tilting on her side, however, insta-upset, she gives up and basically lies there crying until someone picks her up.  So frustrating.

On the flip side, she can almost sit upright without any support….as long as she doesn’t swivel her head too fast.  If she starts looking around a lot, she wobbles too much and falls.  But she loves sitting.  She’s constantly pulling her legs up and lifting her head up as her “pull me up to a sit” indication.  Big smiles when we comply.

She’s also reaching out for some things like a rattle her Aunt bought her, my hand, my shirt, etc.  She’s slowly understanding the hand-around-object-and-pull-to-mouth correlation but there’s a lot of lunging mouth to the object which is hilarious every time.

And, boy, does she jabber.  Squeals, squeaks, oooo, ahhh, ungah, goo, and even the occasional laugh.  So far, Stephen and I are the only ones who have experienced in person the full on belly laugh she can do.  She did a short giggle for grandparents and she’ll do a “hmm!” every so often which I think is her version of a chuckle.

Four months is rapidly approaching and we have some decisions to make.

First is solid food.  Our pediatrician mentioned at her last appointment something about rice cereal at four months.  My gut tells me that’s way too soon for food.  I mean, I honestly think she doesn’t need anything else other than breastmilk right now.  She’s growing like a weed and seems perfectly healthy so why not continue on this route?  I hope her doctor will support any decision we make about holding off for the time being as long as she’s healthy.  My mom told me that my brother and I didn’t have any solid food until we were nearly a year old – something I didn’t know.  She breastfed us exclusively until then and then continued breastfeeding until we were about 18 months.  I thought that was so cool.

Second is transition to the crib.  That one is hard for me.  I love having her in the bedroom.  I love being able to pull her into bed when I want to and snuggle up with her.  My mom pointed out that my hesitation is probably because her room is on the other side of our house.  I think she’s right.  If her room was right across the hallway, I might be more open to her being in her crib at night already.  But all the way across the house seems so far away and that doesn’t sit right with me.  Yet.  I know it exasperates my husband but I’ll get there eventually.  She’s napping in her crib more and more during the day, which I think is a big step for me.  Usually I put her down in her pack n play in the room with me.  Progress….albeit slow.

Six months is a good goal for both food and sleeping in the crib, right?

Third isn’t so much a decision but getting into something resembling a routine with her.  She’s starting to settle into her own napping routine so we just need to build everything else around it.  I don’t want so much structure that it cramps her but carving out her playtime and maybe some me time and some hubby time would be good.  I’m going to try to at least get a bedtime routine down pat and then try to stick with it.

So much to do.  I feel like time is slipping by and I don’t have enough of it to accomplish everything I want and still keep track of how much she’s changing.  There aren’t enough hours to be a good mom, a good wife and a good me.

It’ll get there eventually, right?

The final days of Olivia’s first summer are coming to a close in just a few short weeks.  She has grown so much in just a short amount of time and it brought tears to my eyes to look at her newborn pictures that were just taken yesterday.

{Four months ago, but it feels like yesterday}

We have grown from this…

To this…

To this…

To this…

And I watch my little girl as she takes her nap each day and wonder how big she’ll be the next time I look in on her.

I want to freeze her here…all smiles and laughs…happy as can be when she sees me for the first time every morning…kicking furiously because she wants to be held…kneading her fingers on my arm as she nurses…

Of course I can’t freeze time so she will continue to grow stronger, longer, and more beautiful.  Soon, she’ll be mobile and either running to me or away from me.  Her babbles will morph into words.  Her thoughts will become more coherent.  Her identity will slowly shape and mold itself with each exploration and discovery.

And I’ll look back on this summer, her first summer, and wish we could go back to that time when a snuggled nap was the only chore.

I realize I haven’t blogged in a while.  I’ll explain why.

The first week of August was spent getting ready and finalizing all the plans for an absolutely amazing surprise for my mom.  I had stuff to talk about but I was so excited and consumed with the surprise that I didn’t want to accidentally give it away in my blog since she reads it.

The second week of August was spent surprising my mom and that involved no computers.

We went home.

Stephen and I packed up Olivia and the dog and a few suitcases and drove the 600 miles to St. Louis to surprise my mom for a week.

She was floored.  It was awesome.

We’d been planning this trip in cohoots with my step-dad for a month.  How I managed to stay quiet about it, I have no idea.  It was SO HARD not to tell her we were coming, especially when she’d mention on the phone how sad she was that she was missing Olivia’s firsts and wasn’t going to get to see her until the fall.  I’d basically try to sound as sorry as possible all the while chewing on the inside of my cheek to keep from bursting out with the confession.

It was worth it, though.  She was so happy.

We spent a week on her farm and I got to see my brother and his family.  The cousins all got to meet for the first time.  My step-dad got to meet his granddaughter for the first time.  My mom dragged out photo albums and my baby clothes so I could take some clothes for Olivia and coo over pictures and compare them to my daughter.

Now, when I say no computers, my parents do own a computer – my old tower actually.  And they have internet.  Stephen even brought his laptop and hacked his phone so he could tether.  I just didn’t want to get on the computer.  I wanted to soak up as much time with my family as possible.  A week sans technology (except my phone) was pretty nice, actually.

I am ridiculously homesick.  I laugh at this because, when I was 18, I could not wait to leave home and get as far away as possible.  Here I am, twelve years later, longing to return so bad it hurts.  It affects my mood, which I hate.  I get grumpy or emotional and I know I can attribute it to my homesickness.  I see a commercial with a mom and her grown-up daughter and it makes me cry.

I’m such a girl.

Does this mean we will move to St. Louis?  Maybe.  I’d like to.  There are several hurdles to overcome before we could, though.  Stephen said he would do it, which makes my heart so happy.  I know it would be so hard for him to leave his family.  It would be hard for me, too.  His family is amazing and wonderful and you could not ask for better in-laws.  Seriously.  And they are ridiculously in love with Olivia – it would be heartbreaking to take her away from them.

Seeing Olivia with her cousins, though…

And her with my mom…

And seeing my brother again…

The obvious solution to this issue is to figure out how to fold the United States so St. Louis and Atlanta are right next to each other.

Or find that suitcase full of cash so we can have a house in both cities.

I like the folding idea better.

Aren’t my brother and I and our kids adorable?

1. Eat better

I have actually done okay with this one.  I have a ridiculously large sweet tooth so it’s hard to stay away from the candy, cake, and ice cream cravings but, I do for the most part.  When I do give in, however, I limit myself.  Other than that, we’re doing our shopping at the Farmer’s Market and cooking our meals.  I really want to set a good example for Olivia in this one so that is motivating me.

2. Lose 10 pounds

I’ve lost 2.  8 to go.

And I think I’m upping it to 15 total.  That would be pre-pregnancy weight.

Ugh.

3. Clean the house

Done!  I went through every single room and scrubbed the bejeezus out of it.  Threw away things I didn’t know I had and generally made this a better living environment for all of us.  Now, if I can just maintain it, life will be better.

4. Start writing again even if it is just crap

This one I’m failing on.  I haven’t written a word other than this blog.  I guess that kinda counts but not really.  My excuse is the limited “me” time I have lately and my urgent desire for a clean house.  Now that the house is cleaned to my satisfaction, I will turn my attention to the page.

Speaking of page, though, I have read four books in the past two weeks.  That counts for something, right?

5. Set up the sewing machine and learn how to use it.

I have half of that one done.  Part of cleaning was to wrestle my old desk out of the closet (Yes, desk was in a closet), clean it off/out and set up the sewing machine on it.  Now it sits brightly in the front window of the house waiting for me to learn how to use it.

I’m waiting for my mom.  She’s promised to teach me how to sew in September when she comes for a visit.  Until then I’ll just have the appearance of being highly domesticated.

Not a complete failure.  I’m making progress.  But it’s hard when you are also responsible for this ridiculoton of cute: