I love these terms.  They appear most frequently in the writing world when referring to “how” you approach your manuscript.  Do you plot everything with outlines, synopses, character spreadsheets, colorful tabs in a binder or in a computer program?  Or do you just open a text window and write by the seat of your pants, letting the words tumble out as they may and THEN go back and edit?

I was thinking about these terms in relation to, well, life.  And it got me thinking about what aspects of my life are plotted and which are by the seat of my pants.  When it comes to my writing, I’m a pantser.  Oh, definitely.  My current manuscript is very Pollack-esque at the moment…

When it comes to mothering, I’m a combination of both.  Olivia depends on a certain amount of routine but it can and does vary depending on her mood, when she wakes up, how she slept/naps/etc.

When it comes to being a wife, I’m a pantser.  I go with it as much as I can.  I try to, at least.  I definitely could use some work in that arena.

When it comes to me…maybe both?  I lot of times I feel like I try to plot but end up getting ripped along with the current of the day to day.  I think I’m forcibly a pantser there.

What about you?  As a wife, husband, parent, writer/gardener/crafter/<insert hobby here>?  Are you a pantser or a plotter?  Do you want to be one or the other?  Would you prefer to be the opposite of what you are?

Okay, we all know it’s there.  The healthy section.  In some grocery stores, it can take up an entire corner or several aisles or a whole wall.  Others (squints sideways at my local grocery store) have a pathetic little nook stuffed to one dark side of the produce arranged in such a manner that you would completely miss it if you weren’t actually looking for it.

Therein lies my issue – HAVING TO LOOK FOR IT.

Why on earth should I have to LOOK for the healthy food?  For my gluten-free foods?  For my organic pantry goods?  For healthier snacks for my daughter?  For healthier quick meals for my husband while he’s working?

The healthy section of the grocery store bothers me because I really honestly believe that not only should there be a wide selection of brands available – Udi’s, Amy’s, Annie’s, Scharr, etc. etc. – but they should just simply be with all the other food.  Why does my delicious Scharr gluten-free pasta need to be segregated from the Barilla?  Why do my organic canned tomatoes need to be ostracized to the other end of the store from their Hunt’s brethren?  Why can’t all our granola bars, power bars, protein bars, Luna bars, Cliff bars and the like live in harmony on the fruit snacks and cereal aisle?

I really believe stores might actually sell more of these items (and at higher prices! more profits! winning all around!) if they just put them on the regular old aisles along with everything else.  People perusing chicken stock or cereal or box mixes or chips could purse their lips and wonder at this interesting new packaging here and, “ooo, this here looks very tasty!  Never mind that it’s $4 more than what I normally buy.  It’s healthy!”

People like options.  People want to eat healthier – or, at least, give off the appearance of doing so.  Put the damn food together so they can make fully informed decisions.  I mean, really, WHY would you separate all the chips into two completely different ends of the store?

It makes no sense.  None.

michelevgreen Every time I go to Intellicast to check the weather, I mistype it as “intellicats” — which seems like it would be a more interesting site

SaraJOY DIAPER, Y U NO CHANGE YOURSELF?

MeganBoley Benton is all, “Hey, Imagunna try stomach sleeping for the first time in 9 months. It’s fun. Until I wake up crawling. I’m a weirdo!”

SaraJOY This solid food stuff is too much work. Can’t I just nurse them ’til they’re 3 & hand ‘em a burger?

_Biscuit_ there should be a service where an idiot is sent to you for all your shaking-to-death needs. #idiotoncall

michelevgreen Hubby’s phone autocorrected the phrase “the baby ate a lot of oatmeal” to “the baby ate a lot of goat meat.” Might be my fav of all time

Depcrestwood If I had to describe the guy who just walked past me in two words, those two words would be “weed jesus”

TheNextMartha This exists people. yfrog.com/gy5dqhhj

TemerityJane Sheldon’s jingling rabies tag is going to be the death of me. I keep half-drifting off to sleep and jerking back awake. “SANTA??”

keli_h why is there a “no gas day” group on facebook? makes no sense to me. it is also known as “stranded car day” or “get gas the day before day”

exlibris Idea: Galactica uses Captcha to test its crew for Cylons. #iwouldfail#imatoaster

jimmycarr Morning. Here’s a house that looks like Hitler. You’re welcome.http://plixi.com/p/87787960

Shinga_the_Jedi “Mac or PC?” I swing both ways, baby. But just so we’re clear, I only experiment with Linux when I’m drunk and want attention.

thegrumbles I blow your face up.

anymommy Left chili I defrosted for dinner sitting in the sink all night. Microbiology is more religion than science, right? I mean, I can’t see it.

michelevgreen More Talk to Text: “Matthew: I am I want flavor syrup in your lifetime latte” Okay, honey. #huh

michelevgreen Actual texts Hubby’s talk-to-text sent me this AM: Matthew: just buckle current. Matthew: did not say that. Matthew: taco her hand

TemerityJane Is it out of context conference session tweets season again already?

GeorgeTakei AT&T is buying T-Mobile. In related news, Russia wants Eastern Europe back. #TheresAMapForThat

Crunchynurse I need the guy from Karate Kid to make J. pick up his coat off the floor and hang it on a hook, repeatedly, for a number of hours.

the818 Why is it that when my dog farts, it’s like I’m eating it for breakfast? How do those canine bungholes permeate like that?

nataliejanette I had a dream that my phone got wet, so I put it in a bowl of rice. When I came back to check it, the rice was cooked & had peas & carrots.

exlibris I had a dream that revealed the secret connection between Pearl Jam, the Oregon Trail, and the Illuminati. #enlightened

MeganBoley Shamrock Shake, Cadbury Creme Eggs, Iced Chai, Pumpkin Spice Latte, Peppermint Mocha. #Twitterseasons

BrunnerCircus I saw someone using a pay phone today. In other news… I had no idea that pay phones still existed.

thegrumbles Showering with a bulldog is always unexpected.

kch I propose a most amazing trade-off: Everyone adopts the US power plug standard, and the US adopts the fucking metric system. Everyone wins.

DaddyFiles I fully plan to will myself back to health using nothing but positive thought and NyQuil. Big N, small y BIG MOTHERFUCKING Q!

Mom101 Toddlers with British accents are cuter than puppies. Cuter than puppies with British accents too.

zhandlen Stephen Sondheim, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and William Shatner were all born today. And we still don’t have a goddamn STAR TREK musical.

michelevgreen Hubby informed me a contractor is coming to fix our fence “sometime” today. This really disrupts my not-wearing-pants plans for the day

MeganBoley I think I just had an oh-my-gah-I-am-a-mom moment after that tweet. “what is this meme? Dern kids? These is jokes?”

swonderful me: what’s this movie called? luke: natalie portman

TheNextMartha I’m filtering the word “snow” out of my stream. The word denial is welcome to stay.

thegrumbles @tristina_wright monday’s only there to keep sunday from punching tuesday.

MeganBoley @laurahartgerink @typographitext yeah. I basically just use boobs as parenting tools.

milonguera Today Joaquin and I ate about 12 mandarins or clementines or whatever those dainty little oranges are called.

thek8escape I’ve decided that if I had a superpower, it would be to make babies sleep.

ordermeanother Why is there no milkshake delivery service?

PensieveRobin Dark chocolate peanut M&Ms: colorful afternoon vitamins.

SaraJOY Snark *can* be used for good people. #responsiblesnarking

sarahbartlett Morning again? Balls.

TemerityJane Don’t know how, but I’ve managed to log into Friendster & am now texting my sister pics of herself saying “HAHA YOU USED TO DRESS LIKE THIS”

MrsFreestyle Walking three 100+ lb dogs, while 4 mo’s pregnant, & wearing a 20lb toddler on your back is not as easy as it sounds.

CrunchyVTMommy Dear Jesus, Allah, God, Superman or whomever is in charge tonight, please let my babies sleep until 10 am. Sound good? Thanks so much.

GreenEnough4Me A guy on FB: “My fiance works too much.” Me: “You’re engaged?” Him: “No. But I assume she works too much & that’s why we haven’t met.” #ha

ecsuperhero In fact, it might even be in the Constitution. It’d be unpatriotic to not put Kahlua in my coffee right now. God Bless America.

sarahviola Trying to figure out how long it’s been since Vi nursed, but…DST… Uh… it’s too early for numbers. #carrytheone #dumb

bigcitybelly However, it was amusing to see a drunk girl fall off the curb outside my place and still keep her cell phone to her ear.

MeganBoley @milonguera @thegrumbles if iphone autocorrect was a person, it would look like dana carvey church lady.

laurahartgerink today is a feast of meatballs. i am ready for the ball-off. and i shall win. #deliciousballs

alwysabridesmd Oh boy I hope what I’m chewing is lobster.

Depcrestwood Umm – I just scratched my head, and half a Frito landed on my shoulder. I haven’t had Frito’s in months.#anothersignoftheapocalypse

thek8escape The dishwasher fairy didn’t come last night. Bummerrrr.

MeganBoley @thegrumbles twitter is the god of inappropriate juxtaposition. If I were in art school, I might have done a project on the subject.

michelevgreen I wonder if Dora’s fantastic world of singing creatures is a psychological cover-up for a grim, unbearable reality a la Pan’s Labyrinth

foldinglaundry Parents: please teach your kids to not be assholes. Plain and simple.

milonguera Heh @Pinterest During testing, we accidentally told a handful of really nice users that their pin of a kitten was objectionable content.

babyrabies Driving through rural TX, we get a whiff of cow manure. Kendall proclaims, “smells like daddy’s poopy!”

goodgoogs Late pregnancy is not realising you’ve had a marshmallow stuck to your belly for the best part of an hour

apocalypstick I’m a feminist, but these heavy boxes aren’t going to move themselves.

PBinmyHair Text I just got from my husband “do you know how to use the craigslist”

mommyboots I would like all of the chocolate today, please.

FamilySizedFun i bought 3 sticky rollers and i am giving up lint for lent.

foldinglaundry Noah was just naming mountains: Mount Fuji, Mount Everest and Mount Tin Dew. OMG, DYING.

tami_moore @tristina_wright I don’t think I’ve ever told you, but if I was ever a mother, I want to be just like you.

michelevgreen Slow cooker came with a strange giant rubber band. After trying to affix it to multiple parts of the machine I discover it’s a “lid holder”

exlibris @sarahbartlett losing a gnome is a traumatic event.

lindseyivory Is it a coincidence that fat tuesday and women’s day are the same? Oh the irony (and doughnuts…oh the doughnuts!)

exlibris Just tried to text my MIL on a calculator.

FamilySizedFun this is when they whine and whine. and then i wine. they whine. i wine. whine wine, wine whine wine wine. until wine wins.#wineforthewin

neilcole I love Guinness, but if anyone tells you it’s “good for you” – NO! That’s broccoli. They’re thinking of broccoli

DaddyFiles Gary Busey is praying for Charlie Sheen? Ouch. That’s crazy-person-on-crazy-person crime right there.

thek8escape Joe: I bet if you name any state in the union, I can name the capital. Me: Nebraska. Joe: … dammit.

mariasrandmrant Hey lady..wearing the fishnet top over a bikini w/ some wedge heels and pushing a stroller, yeah you. What were u thinking??#FasionNoNo

CrunchyVTMommy My 19mo son calls woodpeckers – peckersons and I think it’s freaking hilarious!

LordStewie when I die I want to be cremated and put into an Etch-a-Sketch

FeministBreeder Quickies were invented by parents. Definitely.

allisonzapata Sandwich with a Zantac chaser. #pregnantdinner

AmberStrocel A spammer is offering me tips on how to find a thoughtful wife. So I have that going for me.

pocketbuddha Today is one of those days where I kind of understand why some species eat their young. #badmama #toddler #CabinFever

cynthiaboaz I just found someone’s to-do list at the bottom of a shopping cart. “Saturday- Shutterbug, Michael’s Art Supplies, harvest pot.”

unxpctdblessing It’s no longer “I missed that memo.” It’s now “I missed that tweet.”

TychoBrahe When my mother felt something was particularly untrue, she’d say it was a “lie from the pit of hell.” This struck me as needlessly dramatic.

Dabobie I really wish when I peeled my banana that a cheeseburger popped out of it. #whynot #bananasareyucky

posielove What I discovered in the bathroom tonight.#bathtoysgonewild http://yfrog.com/h316eccj

DaddyFiles I was thinking: instead of going to work today how about drinking heavily & taking up smoking again? Feels like one of those days.

michaelfranti The national debt is $14,128,618,456,347.92 – can we stop worrying about gay marriage now?

ecsuperhero I swear too much. But since I make no effort to stop it, I’ll just say that a filthy mouth can be an endearing quality for some. Like me

If you think these are funny, check out my inspiration, The Little Big. She created the Follow Friday Blog Meme and posts her favorite tweets every Friday. Tears from laughter I tell you. TEARS!

You ever have that moment when you hang out with someone and conversation just flows naturally as if you’ve known them your whole life and you’re just picking up where you left off last time?

I had that moment Wednesday when Olivia and I drove up to South Carolina to visit Keli and her two adorable little girls.  The thing is?  This was the first time we’d ever met in person.  And we never stopped talking to each other all day long.

The babymeat was awesome.  Although, I think Olivia’s head was the largest one there…

When Lucy hung out in my lap for a minute or two, Olivia was a crazy little babble-mouth to her.  She yammered on and on and reached out for her face and her hair and her face….and her face…

And Olivia was thoroughly confused/obsessed with Lucy’s jumparoo as she doesn’t have one.

Emma was tickled to death to have a mobile, interactive baby in the house and proceeded to show Olivia all of her toys (including the ones in the goodwill bag) and exactly how they work.

It was such a beautiful day, too.  So we wrapped up the munchkins and all of us went for a lovely walk through their neighborhood.  I love their neighborhood.  It’s quiet and pretty and somewhere I’d want to live.  It was such a perfectly perfect day…

Want to read more and see MUCH better pictures? Read Keli’s version!

Inspired by Little Big’s Follow Friday blog posts, I started keeping track of my favorite tweets.  I blogged a bunch of them a few times.  Then didn’t.

And they built up.

So, here you go.  Epic hilarity from Christmas to the Oscars.

—

Athenabee I wish I knew how much of my problem is sleep deprivation and how much of it is natural crazy.

exlibris Me: “I just saw to skeeter-eaters doin’ it.” A: “Don’t be weird.”

swonderful @MeganBoley @milonguera i am the opposite of a coffee snob. if it makes me shaky and want to vacuum, i am in.

sarahbartlett Just got pooped on. #milestones

looneytunes I was having a crappy morning. Then I realized I could be Charlie Sheen’s publicist.

mommywantsvodka Saw today that 7-11 now has a Slurpee flavor called “Purple For The People” which must taste like victory and unicorns.

MeganBoley Beware of bulls and rogue escalators apparently.

FreddyAmazin I don’t have bad handwriting, i just have my own font.

PetCobra You know which king didn’t stutter or cry? Aragorn, motherfuckers.

keelymarie What if Oprah started yelling “you get an Oscar. And You get an Oscar and YOU get an Oscar” #Oscar

redneckmommy My children just asked how I have been able to predict every winner so far. It’s the magic of twitter & pausing the dvr so it’s 1 min behind

PeterGriffinn You: What fucks like a tiger and winks? Them: I don’t know You: *wink at them*

TheQuoteBoy Dear McDonalds, Thank you for not serving hotdogs. I dont think I could order a super-sized McWeiner with a straight face.

LordStewie I went to the store to buy a “Where’s Waldo” book and couldn’t find it. Well played Waldo, well played.

keli_h solo parenting is easier with wine and netflix. #justsaying

LordStewie “K” Oh, would you like some fries with that conversation killer?

Sewsillyleigh If I type mommies into twitter on echophon, iPhone autocorrects it to ninnies. *giggles*

MamaKatypie DH has convinced himself that DH means “dumb husband” & is offended & sad. “I’m a sensitive tulip.” Maybe DSH is better: dumb stupid husband

shellipants Let’s see how many spam comments I can get. iphone! Fart! Sexy singles in my area! Parenting! Vacation!

michelevgreen There HAS to be a reason that Target puts Starbucks stands right at the entrance. Caffeine fueled spending mania is a dangerous thing.

sarahbartlett Backwards reading at good not I’m

DaddyFiles I’ll know the economy has turned around when my wife buys the thick, soft toilet paper instead of Scott’s thin, ass-ruining sandpaper.

exlibris Just sneezed about fifteen times in a row. Hoo boy. Somebody get me a cigarette.

Mammywoo Either my belt has gone in the washing machine by accident or there is a gun fight taking place in my kitchen.

GreenEnough4Me #epicmeltdown We don’t have any carrots and Bubba won’t be able to see in the dark at bedtime.

FreddyAmazin When you recieve My Angry Text I want you to know that it was typed it with my Middle Finger.

OMyFamily Hi, my name is Allison and I get disappointed when nap only lasts an hour. (…hiiiii, Allison…)

thecorbettkid i just witnessed the 18mo pull dh’s bookmark out of his book… and now i’m pretending i didn’t see anything.

ecsuperhero Even though Alan Rickman is 65, I’d totally make out with him. Especially if he talked like Snape.

milonguera Me: Something smells good. Wonder what that is and who’s making it!? Smarter Me: You. Rosemary Chicken. Crock pot. Geez.

Trip_Hazzard I’ve just felt a disturbance in the Force, must be time to take the washing out of the tumble dryer

DontSpkWhinese Thin mints, tagalongs, whiskey and sarcasm is how I roll right now.

shellipants Explaining opposites to a 4yr old is a pain in the ass.

SethMacFarlane My day would be a lot better if I stumbled across an enchanted staff carved from the horn of a unicorn

JoeHostile Don’t be a useful idiot. #education

exlibris Sometimes I get so sick of FOX News I just want to gay-marry an illegal immigrant’s abortion. Communist-style

thegrumbles something something something, complain about how much work i have to do, something something something, die.

exlibris I think @pinterest needs a “hump” button. “Like” doesn’t cover it

Athenabee I’mma poke my brain with a Q-tip REALLY hard if it doesn’t start behaving.

keli_h i just walked by our huge front window with a hand pump hanging off my boob. oh hai, trash guys. #yourewelcome

keli_h i’m pumping. #mentalpicturesontwitter

Cre8BeautyDaily Catching up on Twitter every morning is like taking a class called, “All The Reasons Babies Won’t Sleep And How Crazy It Makes The Moms.”

marlatiara It’s not drinking alone IF I HAVE TWITTER.

mommywantsvodka Also: I want the MOVIEFONE guy to announce things in my house. “HELLO AND WELCOME TO YOUR BATHROOM. PRESS ONE TO TAKE A POO.”

foldinglaundry Roses are red, violets are blue, winter is stupid and I want to kill it.

michelevgreen There should be more occupations where a well placed butt-slap is sufficient to say “you did a good job”

callimack @Chookooloonks Except in LOTR, Santa is a badass played by Ian McKellan.

pocketbuddha Dreamt DH & I were attacked by bears we later found out were trained attack bears set to hibernate in our yard & awake on 4/20 to eat us.

xtremeparnthood I want an Angry Birds Boomerang Bird that I can launch through the house at unsuspecting children, my hubby, and the dog. Don’t judge

Cre8BeautyDaily Typing into Google “What’s the difference between” and the first autofill is “peanut butter and jam?” Really, people don’t know this???

2bKate my tiny dictator has decided I’m doing it all wrong today and she is not happy #dancemonkeydance

souphead Fries are the devil’s starchy fingers

michelevgreen H is eagerly awaiting the release of Liam Neeson’s next movie where his family is somehow wronged & now he has a bloodlust for revenge.

swedishpancake DAMN THE MAN. SAVE THE EMPIRE.

babyrabies Who do I have to write to at the #SAHM union to get a mandatory 30 min. lunch break?

babysteph It’s like this snow has something to prove. This blizzard is such a boy.

exlibris HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU I do not want what you are selling HOLD UP ARE YOU A GIRL SCOUT disregard please

FreeChildhood My cat is staring intensely at a spot on the ceiling. There’s nothing there. She’s freaking me out

michelevgreen I want some Flintstones Chewable Morphine

ecsuperhero @shellipants @pbinmyhair I also did not have Reese’s when Tommy fell out of my bajingo.

TemerityJane Phil just tried to put out a candle with a can of compressed air. “Oops… ”

letlovegrow If you’re in nwi & just witnessed the fight between my hair & the carwash vaccuum? You’re welcome.

DaddyFiles I don’t care if Justin Bieber offered me an Extreme Home Makeover. I would still disembowel him & stick his head on a pike.

TheFagCasanova #NewShyamalanFilms Title: ‘I Gotcha Nose’ Synopsis: An old grandpa has stolen someone’s nose. Big twist: He hasn’t, it’s just his thumb

wilw Just saw a guy standing on the corner, rockin a closed up golf umbrella like it was a guitar. #hownaturesaysdonottouch

BirthingKristen Pregnancy is like a free boob job. Temporary. But free.

mommygoggles Men are such pansies when they get sick. Try pushing a human out of your hooha, and see how you feel.

babyrabies Dear The Learning Channel (TLC), The word “Learn” called. It wants it’s dignity back

FireWifeKatie Facebook is where I go to talk to the people I know; twitter is where I go to talk *about* the people I know.

thegypsymama When I see parents traveling alone with kids it’s hard not to run up to them and belt out, “YOUUUUU are the champions….!!”

nataliejanette ::type, type, type:: ::delete::

TheNextMartha What’s with the saying “pie in the sky?” I want pie in my mouth. In the sky? Pointless.

mommygoggles I shower naked. How naughty am I? LOL

Dabobie I just looked at a picture of someone’s nachos, and now I want to stuff my head into a vat of cheese & beef.

mommywantsvodka I think we all get that Sarah Palin is kinda dumb. Let’s move onto more interesting topics like, “Why I need a cupcake right now.”

DJJansta Bees. Recreate that wonderful British lifestyle simply by working your arse off day and night while the queen does fuck all.

sbartholomew “I don’t feel I can grow as a person if I stay living at home with you” Teenage angst in Starbucks

KimLiving I need to be much less sober

ecsuperhero Luke woke up in tears, very concerned his penis might fall off due to it not having any glue in it. #boys

wilw OH: “I have my vibrator on.” -60ish woman, referring to her cell phone, which she set to vibrate mode.

makesmilk Asked 6yr old to write list of hamster care rules. Includes ‘no bungee jumping’ and ‘don’t force him to dance’.

TemerityJane When I wear pajama pants all day, I’m just lazy. When I wear yoga pants, I am lazy, but I MIGHT bust out some yoga at any second

makesmilk Things I said today: “No, We are NOT making a maraca out of dried hamster poo.”

MeganBoley I hope this cactus I found today doesn’t offend your delicate sensibilities. #inappropriatecactus http://yfrog.com/h06zfqj

keriwgd @babyrabies Jesus is a crafty escape artist. People are always asking me if I’ve found him. He’s kind of like the ultimate Where’s Waldo

KellyNaturally Yo ho ladyohdaleeho oh oh ladyohdalay yo ho ladyohdaleeho ladyohdaleeholay!

anonyMOMous It bears repeating: It is fawking cold. If you’re looking for the glass cutter, it’s inside my bra. That is all I have to say about that.

WomansWisdom Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Robert Heinlein

Lord_Voldemort7 Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Time waster.

TheBloggess The Most unsettling thing about an empty shrink’s waiting room is that you’re the craziest one there.

chrisblake Just realized laptop spelled backwards is potpal. Hmm.

thegrumbles alright tuesday, you dirty motherfucker, let’s DO this.

CarriBrown Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter.

becomingsarah Motherhood has made me the keeper of the bananas. AM DELIRIOUS WITH POWER.

MeganBoley Sometimes I get the crazy notion to switch my coffee habit back to a tea habit. Then the little devil on my shoulder laaaaaughs and laughs.

mamaspohr My mouth tastes like balloons. Balloons. That’s a funny word. Balloons. Ballooooons

buriedwithkids Hubby: Oh damn! My wand just exploded. Me: Do you need new pants?

Moms_eyes 5yo: what’s for dinner? Me: pulled pork. 5yo: what’s pork? Me: dead pig. 5yo: awesome…(said in a hushed voice)

DaddyFiles There is a thin person inside of me screaming to get out. But I suffocated that annoying little bastard with my fat rolls.

Hobo_Mama Our child needs to learn the appropriate vowel sound for “beach.”

CrunchyVTMommy A real life version of hungry hungry hippo would be semi awesome

thatkristen I just made all my kitchen cabinets my bitches.

MeganBoley Debating between a trip to target, whole foods, or just dumping money out onto the ground.

cassiethedoula Dominos just called to let me know that they’d be running late. Wow. I can’t even get my husband to do that. #impressed

thegrumbles This one’s all floppy. #ThatsWhatSheSaid

apocalypstick My body actually aches from Wii Fit. Looks like I need Wii Vicodin.

sofawned Things that don’t sound quite right when spoken instead of written: “I need to watch Brokeback again. I could use a good bawl fest.”

TheJulieMarsh @mom101 My in-laws gave Kyle a manicure kit and a head lamp. So that he has groomed nails when he’s mining for coal, I guess.

MeganBoley “what’s benton’s favorite food?”…..”boobs”

BackpackingDad Only old people like the sunrise. 20 somethings know it means the party is over. 30 somethings know it means the baby won’t sleep

Legendjy Im gonna merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT

BackpackingDad The toy aisle is Toddler Vegas

MeganBoley I love getting Christmas cards. I want to pile them on the floor and roll in them while squealing. #christmascardfantasy

cassiethedoula Girl on TeenMom,”the part from when they’re born to 1 year old is the hardest part.” A-hahahaha. HAHAHAHA. Oh. Sweetie.

buriedwithkids Hubby: “That peppermint soap makes my hands smell like I was giving a hand job to a candy cane.”

mommywantsvodka Just walked face first into a broken “automatic” door. Not what I was expecting. Damn it feels good to be a gangster.

TheJulieMarsh I just laughed over spilled milk.

_Biscuit_ Do fish pee? If so……gross. #justsayin

wilw Listen up, you goddamn kids: the effects in the original TRON were *not* cheesy. They were state-of-the-art in their time.#oldmanwheaton

foldinglaundry Spam comment left on my blog: “this post calls for a drink!” Hey, OKAY!

AzureSkyyes How does “pick up formula” translate to “love more porn”?#voicerecognitionfail

TheJulieMarsh The peanut butter portion of a batch of buckeyes is chilling. Balls, prepare to be dipped in chocolate. Then you shall meet my ass.

KateHarding I need to leave the house, but SOMEONE IS WRONG ON THE INTERNET.

MeganBoley iPhone changed “crumpets” to “drunkard”

emilychats And also? Used a Neti Pot the first time today. It’s for your nose. Not like, anything else. In case ‘pot’ was confusing.

MarinkaNYC Does Hallmark make a ‘that should have read “indemnification” and not “insemination” ‘ apology card?

creaturecomfort You know you spend too much time on the computer when you’re painting something + your hand does a ‘Command S’ in the air when you are done.

alwysabridesmd OH BOY free cookies in the breakroom. WHY DID I CHOOSE AN OUTFIT WITH NO POCKETS TODAY?

milonguera The people with penises in my house are sleeping. The one without is about to bust out some wine and suck its face. #longday #nopenis

TheNextMartha At drive through. She asked if I wanted to add pie. I replied “Have you seen my ass?” >crickets<

michelevgreen Seriously considering changing the baby’s name from Allison Sarah to Grouchface McTeethingpainz. T-pain for short.

redneckmommy It is really really freakish to watch high definition reality shows on my LED tv. I can see your PORES and nose hairs PEOPLE.

zookeeperjess Totally just “boob tweeted”. You’ve heard of “butt dialing” so think about that for a minute.

shayera @QueenofSpain Glitter is the herpes of the craft world.

SethMacFarlane “Santa is an asshole until he wants something from you.” –Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, in tweet form

Lord_Voldemort7 Mondays make me want to punch the world in the face.

ScaryMommy Ask your young kid to say “specifically.” My daughter has never been so tongue tied.

foldinglaundry There is nothing worse than an ice cold toilet seat. I mean, REALLY.

mommywantsvodka I have a dream. It involves hot dogs. Encased meats, FTW!

babyrabies Fredericks of Hollywood is having a “friends and family” sale. I just find that.. odd.

DExtraordinaire I have found mahjong on facebook. If I keep playing I may find Sunday without even experiencing Saturday.#muststepawayfromcomputersoon

buriedwithkids I flipped the switch to turn the fire place on but instead I guess I am just going to gas my family. What’s the number the the gas company?

windwardskies It’s spelled “Canon”.. if you’re shooting with a Cannon, you’re not a photographer.  #missspelledwordoftheday

lawmomma77 Oh hello Friday. It’s about time you got here, you lazy bitch.

CrunchyVTMommy I’d like to start a business but can’t figure out a way to make money eating bacon and kissing puppies.

Moms_eyes Just stopped for gas. 4yo says: “gas for the car isn’t stinky. Stinky gas comes from your butt” #awesome

ScaryMommy My daughter just brought me a check she wrote out for $100000. The subject? “Alowins.” I’m in big trouble

exlibris Just remembered that Patric Stewart was knighted. I’m going to have to swear on Sir Baby Picard Jesus from now on.#sirbabypicardjesus

rabidcat Hmm. The nail polish I picked seems to be less Holiday Cheer and more How Much for a BJ

OMyFamily @GreenEnough4Me Hogs? Hogs?!?! Nice auto-correct, phone. I was going for “things”

exlibris I WANT A CONNECTION SO FAST THAT THINGS DOWNLOAD BEFORE I REALIZE I WANT THEM. #makeitso

TheNextMartha I wish I was a foodie. Surely one could whip something up with canned pumpkin, canellini beans, and enchilada sauce.

buriedwithkids Every time I even think about using power tools to do something to the house, an unexpected hole appears in the wall and there is an injury

TemerityJane I’m going to start my own 1-900 number, but it won’t be for sex, it will be for SAH-wives/moms to call & speak to other adults.

MarinkaNYC I don’t want to say that my husband takes a long time to cook dinner, but if he were preparing The Last Supper, Jesus would still be alive.

ApocalypseHow Notice you don’t hear a lot of hymns devoted to the Toddler Jesus.

MyKidsSccrMom You know ur cat is fat when she lays down and resembles an animal skin rug….

FreeChildhood I seriously just looked up pesky in the dictionary because it looks SO FUNNY typed, I was momentarily convinced I made it up. #losingit

exlibris My iPhone wanted to change “Itsy Bitsy Spider” to “Urdu Burst Spider.” I really don’t want to play that game, thanks.

If you think these are funny, check out my inspiration, The Little Big. She created the Follow Friday Blog Meme and posts her favorite tweets every Friday. Tears from laughter I tell you. TEARS!

i read this post over here and it got me thinking…a lot…

the lonely eats at you when you are home all day, locked in repetition.  it can even eat at you when you are out at an office.  or at the park.  or out to dinner.  or running errands.  i don’t think it’s a symptom of where so much as the what.  if that makes sense.

we are moving to st. louis in just two short months.  while i’m 98% ridiculously excited, there is a 2% of me that worries.  worries that it will negatively effect olivia.  worries that our grand plan to get our debt under control will blow up in our face because of some unforeseen obstacle.  worries about the fact that i have to solo parent one week every single month.    worries about this and that.

the other night stephen and i eschewed the television and video games for laying in bed in the darkness and talking.  come to find out, he has the same worries.  he never said anything because he didn’t want to dampen my excitement for going home and i didn’t say anything because i didn’t want to seem ungrateful for getting to move back home.

same worries.  different reasons.  stupidly kept to ourselves.

this life i chose….the one i have….is not what i’d envisioned for myself ten years ago.  i envisioned being a writer.  being published.  writing for the movies.  comfortable.  i haven’t written anything other than this blog in well over five years.  that thought puts a lump in my throat.  my heart’s dream since i was twelve lays untouched in a dusty corner of my mind.

so write.

it’s not that easy.

plus.

there’s this whole domesticity thing i’m trying to get a hold of.  if there was one thing i do well, it’s being a homemaker.  i can cook and bake.  i can grow, birth and raise a baby.  no, it’s not easy.  it’s never easy, but i can do it.  and i can do it well.  but even that comes at a price.  and the price is the alone and the guilt.  the guilt because i do nothing to contribute financially and we’re drowning.  the guilt when i’m tired and worn out from a fussy baby and dinner isn’t ready or the house is a mess.

i’m learning to sew.  learning to knit.  i want to learn to crochet.  i want to learn to make my own lotion.  random.  but all things that i could be good at and could keep me busy and maybe open the door to providing some sort of modest income for my family.  but i’m unsure of all of it so i put it off in practice but think about it constantly.

just about the only thing i am sure about is the jude. he’s a bright and shining star he is. he lights me up.

i love him, it’s true. but i’ve realized that my love for jude just can’t compare to my love and relationship with jon. i feel about jon something so deep and overwhelming and all-encompassing that nothing will ever be able to hold a candle.

source

this made me think of my own. olivia is my sunshine.  her laugh and smile are infectious and can chase away dark cloud.  she is the one perfection in my life that i can point to as a living example of my success as a mother.  but i find myself thinking often of when it was just stephen and i and we were just starting out.  the unknown.  the lust.  the love.  the wonder and discovery.  how i want to return to then at times.  but i love where we are now.  married.  growing.  creating.  we still learn and still discover but it is blanketed with worry and tired and concern and repetition.  laundry.  cooking.  baby.  dinner.  tv.  sleep.  repeat.

we are in a rut.  i am hoping the move points us in a new direction and we get new feet to stand on.  i hope we can, out from under the worry of money, return to how it was but with the added happiness of children.  meanwhile, i will do.  do my crafts.  do my housework.  do my baking.  do my cooking.  and i will love my daughter.  and i will discover my husband.

will you?

the doldrums of winter are starting to freeze my bones

i feel them crack and tremble under the weight of the brittle cold and the stress of the everyday

money mommy wife house clean dishes laundry sewing knitting dog sleep floors clutter dust broken want need can’t

the everyday

so i try to keep a positive in the forefront

something for my mind to hug and hold onto

something for my bones to gain strength and warmth from

- the way olivia hums in her sleep on every exhale… hmm [inhale] hmm [inhale] hmm…

- the way max curls up in the tightest little ball on the couch on as many pillows as he can

- the way stephen cuddles me close while we watch tv late at night, making sure my pj legs are straight and aren’t riding up my legs

- the hum of my sewing machine dancing along fabric making [something] pretty for [someone]

- the click click click of my knitting needles slowly, methodically churning out whatever-this-is

- the smell of freshly baked cookies

- the sun even though the warmth is just an illusion

- my warm bed and how it waits patiently for me each night after every wake-up and every nursing

- my health, my sanity and my marriage, although none are perfect they are all loved and cherished above everything

- ideas and dreams…thoughts and wishes…they keep me going…

what do you tuck in a corner to hang onto to keep yourself going through the cold, through the stress, through the everyday?

inspired by Grumbles…but going back further since I’m sans-toddler

Dear Self about 18 months ago,

AH MAH GAH YOU’RE PREGNANT!  Hooray!  Much throwing of confetti and jumping up and down with joy.  I realize it wasn’t planned at all but this is [good] and is one of the best things to happen to you yet.

The next ten months (yes, ten) are going to be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced in your life.  This is both hooray-happy and boo-uncomfortable.

So, I here in the future with a teething eight month old is going to give you in the past a few key pieces of advice.  Because, really, when I look back on what you’re about to go through, I think, “What did I actually DO for ten months at home?”  And when I remember something, “I did THAT? Why?”

12 Weeks

First thing is first, enjoy every second of your pregnancy.  I can assure you that you will give birth to a healthy, beautiful, perfect little baby so please do not waste one minute fretting, worrying or being anxious in any way.  Enjoy growing that little life inside you.  Relish it.

Speaking of growing a life, nap often.  And do not – DO NOT – feel guilty if you sleep more than you are awake.  You are incubating a human life.  This is a complex, taxing, tiring task.  Sleep every single time you feel tired.

Stop reading so much on pregnancy.  You’re just going to come across stuff that will scare you and make you worry.  Sure, sign up for those cute little emails that let you know that your baby is the size of a grapefruit and can twiddle its thumbs but stop there.

24 Weeks

Use the time you would normally spend scouring the internet for pregnancy stuff to learn a hobby or pursue one you already enjoy – writing, reading, cooking, sewing, knitting.  You will have precious little time that is [yours] after the baby comes so getting something under your belt now would be great.

Sew and knit and write your little heart out.  Blog all the time and use it as an outlet for everything you’re feeling and experiencing and doing.  It’s going to be an amazing record to look back on.

This may sound silly right now but get on Twitter and start making friends with some of the awesome mamas that are there.  I can tell you that their support, experience and genuine friendship is [amazing] and I wish so incredibly badly I’d known them when I was pregnant.

32 Weeks

get outside

Seriously

I know, you burn if the sun so much glances at you, but go for walks as much as possible.  Go to the park.  Go shopping.  Go for a drive.  Just go outside and do things.  Go on dates with Stephen.  You’ll have precious few of those afterwards.  You will feel so much better about life and everything that’s happening – plus you will have a great foundation of activity that will help you lose the baby weight afterwards.

Save your pennies.  Your insurance is going to be an almighty bureaucratic douche and not cover any of the prenatal care or the birth.  Start saving money now, so, in ten months when the hospital threatens to turn you over to collections, you can pay at least part of it out of pocket and not have to max out every credit card you  have to pay off the bill.

Find yourself an amazing midwife or doula who can talk to you about the birth and help you make informed decisions about what you want to do on the big day and for care afterwards.

Do not, and I repeat DO NOT spend any time worrying about any of the stuff for the nursery or the baby.  In fact, do not buy anything for the baby yourself.  You and Stephen both come from large families.  This is the first grandchild on Stephen’s side.  And it is your first child.  This baby will have everything it needs.

And then some.

Trust me on this.

Have fun with your registry but don’t go overboard on the frivolous stuff.  Keep it small and pertaining to that first month or so.  Everything else will be provided either at your shower or shortly after.

39 Weeks

Take lots and lots of pictures of your belly as it grows.  You can do a really cool video montage with all the pictures after the birth.  I really wish I’d done that.

Do not worry about the state of your house, the state of your bank account, or the state of your ever-expanding belly.  It will all be fine.  Stephen will be paid in time, you will stay healthy and your mom will help with housework when she comes for the birth.

Just relax, mama-to-be.  This is a truly amazing time in your life.  Go to the spa a few times.  Get your nails done.  Buy yourself a pretty hospital gown to wear.  Master a few awesome cooking recipes.  Learn to sew your baby clothes.  Learn to knit for the winter.

Above all, stay calm.

And carry on.

Love and support,
Future You

PS That gut feeling you have about the gender?  You’re right on point.

Oh my goodness, I’m exhausted and I have [so much to do].

And I didn’t take any pictures this week for Wordless Wednesday.

Instead, here’s some hilarity.

coconutbelly – a watched pot NEVER BREWS MY COFFEE FAST ENOUGH.

buriedwithkids – I can no longer ignore it. I am going to coo coo for Cocoa Puffs.

nataliejanette – I fully intend to spend the next 5 days in yoga pants.

MojoLeonie – I’ve never had to peel a peach before…it’s a bit like a peeled testicle ……

BackpackingDad – New Word: PODIATRIBE. A long angry rant about feet.

exlibris – Each day the bathmat goes unpeed on is a success.

nerdyapple – And for you non-Americans, Thanksgiving is when we celebrate the fact that we can eat a crap ton of food. Or something like that.

Marissa_Evans – The meaning of life could be at the end of a porno and no one would ever know.

JVdesigns – Presently has the attention span of a gnat.

nuckingfutsmama – If the dude behind me in line for security doesn’t stop humming, I’m going to stab him with the Lego in my purse.

thegypsymama – Asked my kid for help cleaning the playroom. He informed me he’s one of the “pirates who don’t do anything” Thanks @VeggieTales

MarinkaNYC – OMG. Today is not Thursday and never was.

wilw – Dog: BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK Me: What the hell are you barking at? Dog: I DON’T KNOW!

BringUpBee – Teething is a dirty hooker.

milonguera – If you have ringside seats, do not chew gum. You look like a cow. #boxingspectatortips

MeganBoley – I guess I will go braid my hair while wearing my new boots. Maybe do some shots of whipped cream from the can.

Mom101 – I doubt Facebook would have been as successful if it was named People I Hated in Highschool.

Mom101 – Hypothetically, what could make your pee smell like pretzels? Hypothetically.

BackpackingDad – I’m boycotting brownies. They sell fat to my gut despite my body’s terms of use.

thegrumbles – Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. – Groucho

HygeiaKate – My mom was excited to tell me that she’s getting a “Brazilian Blow Job” at the salon today. Somehow I don’t think that’s what she meant.

princessmikkimo – Chicken Tempura gone very wrong. Who knew Trader Joe’s sold X rated food?http://yfrog.com/m91iuxj

exlibris – Whenever I see our friend Warren I always have to restrain myself from blurting out,”Your name is where bunnies live!” #impulseproblems

ABCGP – Dear spam, No I do not want a bigger penis or a new asian friend. Stop for asking. Eff off.

exlibris – I am an enigma wrapped in a popsicle.

thepioneerwoman – So here’s where I am now: I want a pug, a pig, a baby, and to be petite and tan.

TheNextMartha – My stream? Is full of pissed off moms. Please Send coffee and naps.#TimeChangeIsBS

mommywantsvodka – I’d cut a bitch for a frozen hot chocolate. Also: a robot monkey butler.

xtremeparnthood – I just saw a sign that said “Save the Earth. It’s the only planet with chocolate”. That’s a good enough reason for me!

sarasophia – Wearing a stocking cap and jammie pants.#weekendgangsta

tea4tamara – I’ve managed to kick my addiction to mandarin oranges by eating donuts instead. Success!

BobbyStein – Sorry, heart, but Saturdays are for bacon.

MeganBoley – I want someone to carry me in a sling. Being an adult is dumb.

MyBallsSwang – THAT WAS THE BIGGEST CUP OF COFFEE IVE EVER HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! I CANT FEEL MY FAAAAAAAACE! JESUS TEXTED ME TO SHAVE THE TOPS OF MY TOOOES!

Enjoy.

Follow me on The Tweeter for more hilarity: @tristina_wright

If you think these are funny, check out my inspiration, The Little Big. She created the Follow Friday Blog Meme and posts her favorite tweets every Friday. Tears from laughter I tell you. TEARS!