see dead horse, apply stick

“EWW Im at lunch,the woman at the table next 2 me is breast feeding her baby w no coverup”

That lovely bit of grammar and spelling is a tweet courtesy of Kim Kardashian.  Now, while I don’t give a flying you-know-what about Ms. Kardashian, her tweet sparked yet another heated debate on Facebook about breastfeeding in public.  I joined in briefly because the comments made me roll my eyes.

Now there are two major debates raging in the US currently regarding breastfeeding.  One is breastfeeding in public.  The other is breastfeeding past 12 months (we’re talking into year 2, 3, 4 and sometimes further).  I’m not going to speak to the latter because Olivia is just shy of two months old and, honestly, I don’t know how long we’ll breastfeed for.  My instinct right now is just take my cues from her.  Briefly, however, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding until at least 12 months of age and the Surgeon General has gone on record as saying, “Lucky is the child that is breastfed until the age of 2.”

That’s all I’ll say about that.

Public breastfeeding.  Oh what a fun debate you are because you are a pointless and frivolous debate.

I haven’t yet had the opportunity to breastfeed in public.  We’ve only gone out a handful of times with Olivia and she has slept through all of them.  I know that eventually we will be out and she’ll be hungry and I’ll have to feed her.

And I will.

Gladly.

Because I am her mom and that’s what I do.

Simple as that.

The Law

Just about every state in the US has a law protecting a woman’s right to breastfeed in public and/or exempting her from any indecent exposure or lewd acts laws.  And many states, including my own wonderfully southern state of Georgia, have laws requiring employers to give nursing mothers breaks to pump and to provide a sanitary, private area to do so that is not a bathroom stall.  Ew.

And I’d really like to know who decided that a public restroom is the acceptable, default space for a woman to nurse.  Most restrooms don’t have lids on the toilets so there is no place to sit to nurse.  Plus, an infant’s immune system isn’t stellar yet and you want to relegate him/her to probably the most unsanitary place in the establishment?

Wow.

Nature vs. Sex

While the laws are cool, the fact that we as a country need laws to protect an act that is biological and completely natural is silly.  We need laws because this country has bent over backwards to over-sexualize breasts to the point where the average person immediately thinks “omg sex!” anytime they see anything resembling a breast.  A vast majority of the rest of the world has the ability to distinguish breasts in a sexual light and breasts in a feeding, nurturing light and can react in the appropriate, mature manner.

We seem to have forgotten how to do that.

Thankfully, my husband can do that.  He likes my breasts.  He likes them even more now that they’re bigger – hell, I like them even more now that they’re bigger.  He’ll make little comments about them or “accidentally” brush against them.  It’s sexy and cute and fun.

When I pull one out to feed our baby, there are no comments, no staring, no cute, sexy anything.  There’s only “Can I get you anything?”  or “Do you need any help?” especially if she’s being fussy or having issues latching on.

See the difference?  And there’s no conscious, forceful effort on his part to switch gears.  He just instinctively acts that way because he knows the difference between sexy breasts and nursing breasts.

What a concept, huh?

One comment I read yesterday on Facebook was from a mother who said she was offended by women breastfeeding in public because she didn’t want her husband ogling that woman.  Really?  Seriously?  Your husband is ogling a woman breastfeeding (which is weird, truth be told) and you want to get mad at the woman?  Denial, anyone?

All laws and exemptions aside, we seem to have forgotten that the original, biological, physical, primary purpose for the breast is to feed the offspring.  We are mammals.  We nurse our young.

From our breasts.

It’s what they’re there for.  The whole sexual component?  Purely secondary.

Besides, the TV, most movies, and a lot of women’s fashion show way more boob than nursing a lot of the time.  Honest.

Mom Benefits

One quick thing I want to point out about breastfeeding for those of you who don’t know.  Breasts are constantly producing milk if you are actively breastfeeding.  A breast is a certain size and that’s it.  Think of a balloon filling up with air or water.  At some point, that balloon fills to capacity.  In order to get more air or water in there, you would need to release some that is currently inside.

The same principle applies to the breast.  At some point, it is filled pretty much to capacity, resulting in some discomfort for mom.  The breasts become heavy, hard and filled with pressure.  It can get painful.  The only way to relieve that is to nurse or pump.  If you are actively nursing (say, every 3-4 hours), you probably can’t go for more than 4-5 hours without needing to release some pressure.  Most of the time, this is fine.  You wouldn’t be out that long.

Sometimes, it isn’t and you need to.  Couple that with a baby that wants to eat right now and you have a mom who needs to breastfeed no matter where she is.

And, honestly, would you rather be in a restaurant with a baby crying because she’s hungry or with a mom who is nursing and you can see, at most, the top and side of her breast?  Most women’s shirts reveal that much.

Opinions Galore

Everyone is entitled to their opinion.  I’m not telling you not to have one.  You may agree with me on this or you may vehemently disagree and that is your right.  Just as it’s your right to have your opinions on religion, sexual orientation, politics, sports teams, the oil spill, the war in the Middle East, and the best restaurant in <insert your city name here>.  And it’s also your right (and I encourage it) to have healthy, mature conversations about every subject above.  The key words there are “healthy” and “mature” okay?

How would you like it if someone immediately reacted to your opinion on any of the above subjects with revulsion, horror, derision, immaturity, or just plain made you feel guilty about them?  I don’t think you’d like it very much.  And you’d probably get hurt or defensive, depending on your personality.  Your brain would be saying, “Why do they hate me so much for my political views?”

Not cool, right?

Public breastfeeding is in the same category.  You may have your opinion about it.  You may be a mom who has chosen not to for whatever reason.  You may be a mom who does.  You may just be the average Joe who is offended by it or who doesn’t care.  The point is, don’t lash out.  Just as you wouldn’t lash out against a gay couple at the table next to you (or at least I hope you wouldn’t), don’t lash out against a woman simply feeding her child.  It’s her choice and it’s the one she made and, legally, you can’t do a thing about it so save your energy and enjoy your meal and the company of whomever you are with and leave it at that.

It’s not going to scar you for life.  Your kids will forget about it by later that afternoon if they even noticed at all.

Instead, redirect your energy lashing out against things that can be addressed and should be addressed like domestic abuse, homelessness, the environment, fair wages, animal abuse, etc.  There are a million subjects to get all fired up about.

The point is, ease up.  There are laws protecting it.  Women will breastfeed.  They’ll do it in public.  It’s not going anywhere.  So just chill, be mature, and go on with your day.

Now excuse me while I go pull out a breast and feed my baby.

I hope the dog doesn’t mind.