Finding the Happy – Day 16

I’m forging ahead with this in spite of everything that’s going on at the moment.  I did want to thank everyone who sent me notes via email, text, comments, and Facebook with hugs and encouragement.  I know that a lot of my reaction to everything going on is stemming from my grossly imbalanced hormones so little things seem like big things and I’m easily overwhelmed.  I felt loved last night and Olivia rumbled around a lot as if to reassure me with her strong movements.

I think the anxiety of becoming a parent is playing its hand, too.  I don’t feel like I’m “grown up” enough to be a mom yet.  Then, I think that I’m ten years older than my mom was when she had me and that throws some perspective on it all.  I don’t know how she did it but she did and my brother and I turned out alright.  A little odd perhaps…  In any case, in the midst of the all the excitement and anxiety and joy and hope and everything, there is, truthfully, a healthy amount of fear that both Stephen and I have at becoming parents.  Both of us have very rocky moments in our pasts with our parents – things we don’t want to repeat.  So, we’re scared.  And, part of me thinks that’s a good thing in a twisted way.  I think there would be something wrong or egotistical with us if we weren’t scared.  I would think every new parent-to-be is frightened on some level whether they would admit it or not.

A few good things happened today that eased a little bit of the stress.  First, I put rent in the mail.  I never thought I’d be so happy to pay rent.  Our landlord is the most patient and understanding person I’ve met next to Stephen and that almost makes being late worse.  I’d almost rather he got mad at us but he’s been wonderful and we’re truly thankful for that.  There are still a few other late/outstanding bills but rent was the big looming one in our minds.  Hopefully, we’ll be able to take care of the others this week or next.

Hopefully.

The other thing that happened started as a “what now” moment but ended up working out for the better.  A piece of the nursery suite from IKEA is being discontinued.  After gritting my teeth and sighing, I went on the website and started looking through everything the manufacturer made for IKEA to see if there was something that could replace the piece that was discontinued.  I not only eventually found two separate pieces to replace the one piece that we were going to get two of, but it all turned out to be a lot cheaper.  I’m hoping we can go to IKEA and get it all this week.  I think putting the nursery furniture together will really go a long way towards easing my anxiety.  The whole “my child has a place to sleep” reassurance.

And we’re finally to today’s happy.

It’s actually a screenshot.

If you can read the text, that is a list of pretty much nothing but Mystery Science Theatre 3000 episodes on our Instant Queue in Netflix.  And the list was a lot longer but we watched something like 5 episodes last night and stayed up really late.  I highly recommend Werewolf – it was hilarious.

This is my happy because it was just Stephen, the dog, and me on the couch with pillows and blankets and some candy doing nothing else but watching retarded humor and being with each other.  It was exactly what he and I both needed yesterday.

It’s a little, geeky thing, yes.  But happy is happy and, right now, I’ll take anything that helps no matter how big or small.

What’s your happy for today?

Many wonderful thanks to @tami_moore for the awesomely cute bunnies in the banner!