Writer’s Workshop: An Open Letter to Marvin the Martian

Oh toothbrush-helmed little martian,

Your adventures, or should I say, misadventures in destroying the earth sustained me many an afternoon when I was growing up.  I would await eagerly for your 15 minutes of fame where you would try to thwart Duck Dodgers or Bugs Bunny with the help of your trusty Martian Dog.

I always wanted to ask you about your dog.  You see, my dog hates to wear any type of clothing, yet you managed to train your dog to wear a toothbrush-helm and sneakers!  Not only does he wear sneakers but you managed to train him to use them in such things as delivering bad news on a piece of paper or saluting you as you stalk away very angry.

I wanted to know what method you went about training your dog to perform such amazing behavior.  Did you use a reward system?  Crate?  Force?  Did you accomplish this by yourself or did you have to pay a school extra to teach him to wear shoes?  Is the training ingrained or do you have to practice positive reinforcement at times to keep up with it?

It’s just that I do so worry about my dog’s feet sometimes when he’s outdoors.  You never know what he’ll step on that may cut his foot and then that could get infected and it would mean costly vet bills and a huge hassle.  But if I could get him to wear some spiffy sneakers then my worries in that arena could be alleviated immensely!

Any advice you have, my dear angsty childhood friend, on properly training my dog to wear shoes, deliver news and salute would be greatly appreciated.  I realize this request is probably low on the list when compared to blowing up the Earth but if you find five minutes while your ACME brand disintegrator gun is warming up to shoot me a few tips, that would be incredibly cool of you.

Much Affection,
Tristina
Planet Earth